I'D
HEARD THAT Los Angeles was weird but I
thought that just meant the streets, not
the insides of people's homes. For two
weeks I slept in an apartment in
Hollywood which contained: the largest
collection of Pope memorabilia outside
the Vatican; a battalion of Michael
Jackson dolls; a dozen deliriously tacky
ashtrays (host: "Which my father
stole from Los Vegas in the '60s - so I
can't throw them out"); about 8000
assorted LPs arranged in no particular
order around the floor; and a
mini-library of film-star biographies. The
individual items were not particularly
odd in themselves but their cumulative
effect could be severely disorientating.
So much so that after a few days exposure
I began thinking of such an environment
as normal. More than normal; I started
telling people I was staying somewhere
"neat".
Yet this domestic scene
equates perfectly with the iconography of
the city (or rather the 80 cities
together which people call 'Los Angeles')
itself, a great shrine/dustbin of images
and artefacts slung together with no
concession to any European conception of
taste, refinement or reserve. Most people
who've seen picture books of LA know
about the hot-dog stall that looks like a
hot-dog, or the record company building
that looks like a stack of records.
But not until you're
there, viewing them for real, do you
realise that these things don't
especially stand out. In such a city of
one-offs they simply blend in with
everything else. This awareness took a
while to take hold, and still hadn't when
I left the dizzying apartment and walked
out in search of something plain.
Instead of something plain
I found Melrose Avenue, and a block of it
which was like landing on the set of a
bad I950s sci-fi B-feature. A line of
shops seemed to be selling goods which
could only be Souvenirs Of Earth aimed at
visiting Martians. Surely no Earthling
could buy anything as gross as a six-foot
tall statue of the Statue Of Liberty, a
reconditioned ornamental petrol pump, a
vastly oversized coke bottle with a
battery-powered flying saucer buzzing
around inside it, or one of the Art Deco
sofas which looked about as easy to sit
on as the Hollywood sign.
But human beings, at least
the white, affluent, Reebok trainer-clad
beings of Los Angeles, do buy this stuff.
And they buy a lot of it. This desire for
paraphernalia previously lying dormant on
the pages of decades old mail order
catalogues perhaps has something to do
with challenging the 'traditional' (as
much as anything can be traditional in
such a hot-bed of ephemera) LA obsession
with the Classical Age, epitomised by the
mock-Mediterranean 'sculptures' which
disfigure many a wealthy driveway.
The 'new' stuff is
perceived as something genuinely American
and beautiful, in all it's tacky
vulgarity. These extremely pricey
decorations are swept up in an atmosphere
of casual if not galloping
consumption: something aided by
California having an economy bigger and
stronger than many entire countries.
Being there, after being in recession
torn Britain, is to experience a sweeping
sense of growth and optimism. This, much
more than the climate or Disneyland, lets
you know you're somewhere else.
But the city still has its
dispossessed and it's a mark of rich LA's
ignorance of other people unless
they collectively constitute a major
source of revenue , that the motion
picture industry has only recently,
through the success of films such as 'La
Ramba' (released in the US with dubbed
Spanish dialogue), discovered the
Hispanic market after existing for years
within a few miles of the largest such
concentration outside Mexico City; in
East Los Angeles.
The energy, and size, of
the younger Hispanic population can be
gauged by being on Hollywood Boulevard on
a Friday or Saturday night. Leaving the
residential calm of the nearby avenues
you suddenly find yourself in a maelstrom
of hip-hop music, bumper to bumper
customised cars, and pubescent females
jumping from one vehicle to another.
The mood is vibrant but
fun, minus. the violent undertow of the
notorious gang wars, and coming after
fear of AIDS has virtually stamped out
the street's equally notorious after-dark
flesh market something reflected
by the huge white sign hanging over the
Masonic Temple proclaiming: The Night
Shall Return.
And presumably it will
return, enabling tourists from the
mid-West and Japan to spend all night,
instead of just all day, amid the cement
prints in the forecourt of the Chinese
Theatre seeing if they have smaller hands
than Julie Andrews or bigger feet than
Rock Hudson (live Names, of course, are
rare on the streets, and in their place
are scores of proto-rock stars who
practice posing whilst walking along
Hollywood Boulevard to their guitar
lessons).
But until then, the cars
painted in Zebra strips, the tarot
readers who advertise with neon signs,
the newly built '1950s' diners - almost
authentic save for the lack of dirt
behind their Wurlitzer jukeboxes, and the
rest of the intense whirl of gaudiness,
remains the essence of LA lore
something in which even animals have a
role.
Back in the apartment
lived a cat called Rhino. Admittedly
Rhino's a good name for a cat whatever
the circumstances, but this one was so
christened by virtue of being found in a
shop called Rhino Records. Which was
fortunate she might easily have
been named Off The Wall Antiques.
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